Details of Living

You ask how I am
I say
"Good. I'm good."
Hear that you're not.
Not 100% physically.
I hear it in your voice
but you brave on
and ask me details confirming details
about friends of mine you barely know
whose existence and details
you've committed to memory.
Questions which keep you from talking
about you.

I don't tell you how I really am.

I don't tell you that I struggle daily
with my demons.
Those pieces of me that only want an end,
a way out, a resolution of the deep
loneliness
I feel.

Those demons that would just as soon have me
dead
onto the NEXT
the truly unknown.
The pieces which believe
nothing is new here
so why not just move on.

I give them traffic, a respectful due,
acknowledgement.
I listen and sometimes succumb to the deep emotion
they elicit.
Crying. Praying. Appreciating G-d
and finally reminding myself to
Trust.
Fully Trust that peace will pervade my life.

And suddenly they're gone. Negativity is played out.
The duties of the day creep in.
I busy myself with some detail
and I see really see
appreciate the beauty of the day.
Tending to the details of living.