August 23, 2010

Three Months To The Day

Three months to the day since I last spoke my heart to the Universe, digitally, in this Blog form. I am slowly re-entering the reality of my southern California life after being gone, traveling for the past three months to amazing, beautiful places; being amongst a reality other than what my life had been for several years since significant death. The death of Margaret, my wife, partner, love of my life, soul mate; and the death of my dear sister Lexi, who was my heart.

I am coming back, coming home, slowly still, from repeatedly experiencing the BEST of what human beings are, can be, value and practice in their too short lives.

I am coming home from the daily beauty of newness, wonder, awe, curiosity and delight of places and people.

June in Europe; July and August traveling the most beautiful highways to Michigan and back. I have turned 62 this summer and earned my Senior Pass to all of our National Parks and Federal Recreation Lands! What joy! I am exhilarated to be alive and in good health.

I have driven my trusty Roadtrek, Sophia, "Sophie" [the Goddess of Wisdom] over 7,000 miles this summer. Each day I traveled with bliss and joy in my heart. My last night on the road, after an over 100 degrees day, in Las Vegas, without electricity, a refrigerator running at 60 degrees, a hot and weary body, and I KNEW I was totally ready to come home.

I am home, and just wish to say HELLO right now.

I have seen and experienced SO VERY MUCH; almost all beautiful people, families, helpful and honest, and mostly fun to talk to, find out about, study, imagine their life, observe. My eyes and brain are filled with sights, experiences, assurances of people who do not harm me, or others. These are who I routinely meet. This is what I routinely observe. I am always Thankful of meeting good souls. I talk to people when I stop in places; I ask questions in an interested way, I want to hear what they have to say. So I talk to people and almost always go away feeling whole and complete and better for the meeting. Take Scotty in Cedar City Utah who has rehabilitated himself from a life of pain and doom to one of hope, love, honest and hard work. My heart flooded after leaving this young man. He was all of 23 already with a lifetime of pain.

I have seen beautiful, historic, sacred places, sights, objects, in St. Petersburg, Moscow, Warsaw, Cracow, Auschwitz (here too I found beauty, but only by looking up, to the sky and purposely, very purposely looking for the wonder that I can always behold in the sky, even here, as anywhere I looked up and compelled myself to find beauty), Prague, Berlin, Schlangenbad, Paris, Chartes. One entire month, June, in Europe. One month of city to city adventure, discovery, seeing architectural, human beauty, eight to ten hour walking, exploring days.

Then home and on the road in Sophie with my twelve year old Border Terrier, Reilley. The best Doggie Dog in the entire world. Almost nine weeks and over 7,000 miles in all. To Crescent City, a redwood kingdom of California and then onto the Michigan Women's Music Festival via Grand Tetons, Yellowstone, highway 90 through Wyoming, South Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Illinois, Michigan's western shore. Visiting and observing family: uncles, cousins, second cousins. Learning more about who I am, who I am related to. Then back through Illinois, Iowa, Nebraska, Colorado, Utah, Nevada, and finally southern California home. Stopping in National and State Parks.

Most days I drove five/six or more hours. I saw new places, people, plants, sunsets. I cooked for myself, ate good food, stopped as I wished, sang songs, listened to great music, danced, hiked, swam, and generally felt at peace and great joy while being in this Dear World. I gave myself days off just resting, playing my saxophone, reading, walking, relaxing, enjoying.

Driving from Capitol Reef National Park in Southern Utah, highways 12 and 24, and I fall madly in love with this state. The summit peaks at 9500 elevation only to pass miles of lightening and thunder storms which turn into a snow storm; August 15th and it's snowing!
The snow coincides with a fairly level summit, which opens to the delicious sight of Aspens, their green leaves dancing, shimmering on white bark...gracing this road.

I saw a lifetime of Beauty in the space of twelve weeks, June to August. This travel has been near sheer joy, daily loving my life, pinching myself at my good fortune, feeling Gratitude and Love. Loving many, many; and, loving one woman in particular. She provides me the space to think, feel and give voice to my Being. She continually causes me to feel joy, feel good about myself, about her, about our interactions.

My heart has been enormously full. My life is truly blessed and I'm aware of this.

Back home, today as I shopped for my produce and tea, a very slight twinge of the way I used to feel the past few years came over me: a slight twinge of loss, longing, sadness. A coming home, again, to a life of my own creation. A life alone, with ALL choices my own. Again establishing patterns, habits, routines in a home without a motor, without four wheels; 950, not 60 square feet. I come home to the reality of carpet moths, work, commitments, obligations, choices. A reality I alone create.

I am so ready to daily interact, share, love, touch... another.