Lizi, Lizi, Lizi

Dear Lizi,
I have lied to you. I have lied to myself. It doesn't truly get better.
The hole is still there.
It may shrink some,it may develop a thin film, a thin veneer of sweetness,
even joy, but the hole remains.
All I wish to do now is dive into the hole and never surface.
Five years and it is as fresh as painful as day one.
In fact more so because the shock, that protective sheath of disbelief
is gone.
Forgive me.