Rabbi Shoshanah Devorah lives and tends her garden of Souls
in Mendocino County.
She is a white haired beauty who has always been exquisitely kind to me.
Twice now, at critical junctures in my life,
once after Margaret's death,
and again in December 2010,
she has lent me her ear,
her counsel,
her heart and goodness.
She has held my face in her hands
and wished me grace,
wished for me God's face shining on mine,
and the presence of peace.
She has wished for me God's face shining on mine.
Such a wish is what someone tells their child,
their dearest loved one.
Such a wish is only spoken from one soul to the other.
From one who has yearned for, maybe even felt
God's face shining on theirs.
This wish she gave to me.
Today I received another Blessing from this kind woman:
Dear Mary,
Seems to me your "being Jewish" ceremony is coming up in just two weeks now, so I want to wish you a big Mazal Tov! May the occasion be even grander/deeper/higher than you can imagine, and may your Jewish life continue to reward you, and those you touch, deeply in the years to come.
I am present with you energetically as you affirm who you are,
B'shalom oovracha
Bruchah HaBa'ah
In Peace and Blessing and Welcome,
Shoshanah
May the occasion be even grander/deeper/higher than I can imagine.
And I realize that I am coming into a sacred moment of my life.
I will share my deepest love of God with others.
April 21, 2011
April 16, 2011
Why I Love Judaism
Cause I can see the waxing moon growing nearly full with a plane's pink contrail against an azure blue sky and know that in two days we will celebrate this particular full moon with the Festival of Unleavened Bread, Passover. A Celebration of Freedom from Slavery, coming out of Egypt, out of our Narrows, coming into Freedom, New Life.
My Rabbi, Gershon Winkler, teaches that this Coming Out of Our Narrows should ideally occur certainly yearly with Passover's Remembrance, but daily, daily renewing our commitment to Freedom, Aliveness, Acceptance and Love. Come out of our constriction of mind, narrowness of thought, hatred and pettiness.
Weekly Shabbat creates a time of Renewal, Time of Rest and Honoring The One who Created us and Our World. Lighting candles to hallow the passage of Night into Day, acknowledging Time the Creation of the fact of Time. Honoring the tiniest particle of what God, Sovereign of The Universe, has given to us. Creator of the fruit of the vine, our bread, our working bodies, our Souls. Healer of all flesh. Giver of All. A Creator who asks us to act as Loving, Discerning Co-Creators, who gives us some simple rules, to keep us Human.
I Love Judaism because weekly, in Temple, my body turns into a receptacle of Love, a puddle of Joy and Bliss. I am with a Body of People who unite to Love God, who wish to be with other Jews to Sing, Praise, Rejoice, Grieve and Pray Together for the benefit of ALL. Who wish Peace Peace and Goodness to ALL; despite centuries of suffering extreme hate extreme cruelty extreme torture and extreme killing. We wish Peace, Kindness and Goodness for ALL. Still.
Cause this Body of People, Yisrael, are community community community and if needed would care for me, do care for me, love me and each other. Who hallow each presence with friendship and respect. Because this Body of People, Yisrael, watches the Moon; celebrates the New Moon; celebrates Festivals on the Full Moon. Who Love Words, hold Sacred a Text The Torah which has survived survived which is discussed, picked apart, thought deeply about, cherished. Who take nothing for granted. Whose ancestors' lives have been examined in detail, story by story, word for word, even letter for letter and they have been found to be fearless, brave, generous, loving, merciful, forgiving; also vengeful, lacking, all too human. But foremost these Ancient Souls believed in Themselves and in Their One God Creator of The Universe. Their stories provide hope and guidance for living our own lacking, wanting, all too human lives.
Because my People, Yisrael, have rituals which cause me to purposefully stop, consider Good in my life and Good in others. My People sing out praise for Our Creator. Praise. Joy. The collective, ritual acknowledgement of our Oneness, God's Existence and Oneness, Graciousness, Goodness, Mercy and Kindness. We are asked to personally interact with God by being an example of Adonai' Light when we interact with others. I love to be reminded, ritually, purposefully, so that I may consciously, and collectively with all Jews, display my love of God.
I love Judaism because it is Rich and Deep and Loving and Sparks every fiber of my being. I am proud to become a Jew, to enter into an Ancient Family to whom I have always belonged. To honor that part of my family who have suffered mightily for just being who they are, for the Love of Adonai.
My Rabbi, Gershon Winkler, teaches that this Coming Out of Our Narrows should ideally occur certainly yearly with Passover's Remembrance, but daily, daily renewing our commitment to Freedom, Aliveness, Acceptance and Love. Come out of our constriction of mind, narrowness of thought, hatred and pettiness.
Weekly Shabbat creates a time of Renewal, Time of Rest and Honoring The One who Created us and Our World. Lighting candles to hallow the passage of Night into Day, acknowledging Time the Creation of the fact of Time. Honoring the tiniest particle of what God, Sovereign of The Universe, has given to us. Creator of the fruit of the vine, our bread, our working bodies, our Souls. Healer of all flesh. Giver of All. A Creator who asks us to act as Loving, Discerning Co-Creators, who gives us some simple rules, to keep us Human.
I Love Judaism because weekly, in Temple, my body turns into a receptacle of Love, a puddle of Joy and Bliss. I am with a Body of People who unite to Love God, who wish to be with other Jews to Sing, Praise, Rejoice, Grieve and Pray Together for the benefit of ALL. Who wish Peace Peace and Goodness to ALL; despite centuries of suffering extreme hate extreme cruelty extreme torture and extreme killing. We wish Peace, Kindness and Goodness for ALL. Still.
Cause this Body of People, Yisrael, are community community community and if needed would care for me, do care for me, love me and each other. Who hallow each presence with friendship and respect. Because this Body of People, Yisrael, watches the Moon; celebrates the New Moon; celebrates Festivals on the Full Moon. Who Love Words, hold Sacred a Text The Torah which has survived survived which is discussed, picked apart, thought deeply about, cherished. Who take nothing for granted. Whose ancestors' lives have been examined in detail, story by story, word for word, even letter for letter and they have been found to be fearless, brave, generous, loving, merciful, forgiving; also vengeful, lacking, all too human. But foremost these Ancient Souls believed in Themselves and in Their One God Creator of The Universe. Their stories provide hope and guidance for living our own lacking, wanting, all too human lives.
Because my People, Yisrael, have rituals which cause me to purposefully stop, consider Good in my life and Good in others. My People sing out praise for Our Creator. Praise. Joy. The collective, ritual acknowledgement of our Oneness, God's Existence and Oneness, Graciousness, Goodness, Mercy and Kindness. We are asked to personally interact with God by being an example of Adonai' Light when we interact with others. I love to be reminded, ritually, purposefully, so that I may consciously, and collectively with all Jews, display my love of God.
I love Judaism because it is Rich and Deep and Loving and Sparks every fiber of my being. I am proud to become a Jew, to enter into an Ancient Family to whom I have always belonged. To honor that part of my family who have suffered mightily for just being who they are, for the Love of Adonai.
March 17, 2011
Two Women Walking Arm in Arm
Two women walking arm in arm
See Them....
linked arms, matching stride for stride,
measured and sure,
matching casual conversation,
think two Eastern European, French, Italian
African or Latin American
women totally at ease,
totally comfortable
taking public space and time.
Two friends, sisters, lovers,
relative of one sort or another
sharing words which matter, hold attention, have rich context
and meaning.
Two women walking arm in arm
connecting limbs, hearts, minds, ideas, spirits.
See the transfer of the bond passed easily
back and forth, consciously subconscious and appreciated.
Lovely to gaze upon, these two women
easy with each other, walking in step,
talking, sharing, the casual rhythms of the day
the whispered intimacies that each must hear
the Wonder of the flowers, shrubs, trees, sky,
buildings, others which surround
which create the context of their walk,
the flavor and tenor of that which
surrounds the sound of each voice, each dual step.
See the two women happy for their contact and connection.
Rejoice.
See Them....
linked arms, matching stride for stride,
measured and sure,
matching casual conversation,
think two Eastern European, French, Italian
African or Latin American
women totally at ease,
totally comfortable
taking public space and time.
Two friends, sisters, lovers,
relative of one sort or another
sharing words which matter, hold attention, have rich context
and meaning.
Two women walking arm in arm
connecting limbs, hearts, minds, ideas, spirits.
See the transfer of the bond passed easily
back and forth, consciously subconscious and appreciated.
Lovely to gaze upon, these two women
easy with each other, walking in step,
talking, sharing, the casual rhythms of the day
the whispered intimacies that each must hear
the Wonder of the flowers, shrubs, trees, sky,
buildings, others which surround
which create the context of their walk,
the flavor and tenor of that which
surrounds the sound of each voice, each dual step.
See the two women happy for their contact and connection.
Rejoice.
March 08, 2011
Positive Emotional Shifts
I have always been acutely aware of my emotional state. I feel the shifts which occur, the ups downs extreme joys, the painful painful grief and depression.
I have learned that for me, it is best to listen, to own, to acknowledge what I'm feeling which makes it so very much easier to keep listening to what's going on inside.
It is not a burden to listen and to hear, to take in deeply the changes going on.
So it was with immense joy of recognition of knowing today that a perceptible shift had occurred.
A buoyancy, a lightness, a warm joy filled my being today. As warm as playing doll house with your favorite niece. And warmer still.
I kept checking in all day to see if it was still there, and in doing so, I'd feel it again and it would tickle me sweetly.
I briefly wanted to give it a reason.
I searched for any obvious changes, the shifting new spring light, my being asked to do some future speaking and work for pay opportunities, having just completed my taxes, playing my saxophone more....oh there must be SOMETHING external to account for the warm tickle, warm glow seeping through my pores. But no, it was something else.
I have concluded that it is all and nothing of these externals. And the nothing part is a something internal piece.
An internal, deeply internal, deeply felt realization that weekly now, for the past 5 plus months, I am experiencing a deep bliss, a deep joy even ectascy when I attend Shabbat services on Saturday mornings.
It is a familiar yet so much deeper feeling from that which I habitually felt when I would attend weekly Surat Shabd Satsangs in Cambridge or Brookline. Then I was in my late 20's, early 30's, working too many hours, as well as getting a Masters degree, and of course consumed with an emotional and love life filled with mostly turmoil.
Singing Bhajans with love and devotion with a room full of people sitting cross legged, knowing we were sisters and brothers united by our love for our Guru, for our meditation. I went weekly to soak up this loving energy.
I slept a good deal at those Satsangs.
But when I wasn't sleeping, I was overcome with an immense gratitude and love for the world and this aspect of my life.
Now at Saturday Shabbat services, I don't sleep.
It is almost two hours of a surge of joy, bliss, feeling the presence of G-d, being absorbed in love.
Being personally, deeply internally absorbed, tears streaming down my face almost constantly as I read and pray and chant along with...
with a room full of people who are my famiy. Who I like being around, who I am falling in love with. People who talk to me and listen. People who are real. I may be the only one with streaks of salt water making my face glisten, but I hear love sung and voiced. I listen to these strange yet so deeply familiar words and watch my progress of seeing and understanding what comes next in the service.
I love the words and melodies and ritual and hearing and discussing a written piece of Torah. I am appreciating the significance of the Torah. I am loving being taken back to a time and place that is part of a past that is mine. I love thinking about the past, how we lived, what we loved.
I love coming to comprehend that Creation is the Gift which is celebrated;
celebrate the Creation with a day of reflecting on how wonderful it is.
I am feeling blown away by what happens to me to my body to my soul when I sit, stand, bend my knees and bow, again sit on Saturday mornings. I'm watching this happen to me. I'm experiencing it. I'm totally loving it.
Wow.
No kidding.
So, soon after this Saturday's service, driving home, feeling wonderful, I said to myself: hmmmmm, I get to experiience such a tremendous lift, loft of gratitude and love each week, hmmmmm that's truly marvelous. Hmmmmm, even if I expericnce my lonliness, my depression, my pining after my new love, my feeling about the loss of one or all of the four wonderful women from my life in five years (my sister, my wife, two extremely dear friends), hmmmmmm, even if I have hours of negativity....
Hell, being able to experience what I feel weekly, in services, is so amazing, so truly thrilling, that I need to focus on this; I need to understand that yes, there are lots of losses and pain that I feel...
But I feel a true shift in how I'm perceiving the state of my life. I am focusing more and more on the dozens of ways I am able to feel the presence of The Divine, of The Creator.
Of course at Shabbat service, but also often in my day.
By feeling The Creator, I feel and honor The Creation and
My life as part and parcel of This Creation.
My life being no more no less than a piece of the Whole.
Feeling Whole at Temple reminds me to feel it daily.
I had forgotten.
I have learned that for me, it is best to listen, to own, to acknowledge what I'm feeling which makes it so very much easier to keep listening to what's going on inside.
It is not a burden to listen and to hear, to take in deeply the changes going on.
So it was with immense joy of recognition of knowing today that a perceptible shift had occurred.
A buoyancy, a lightness, a warm joy filled my being today. As warm as playing doll house with your favorite niece. And warmer still.
I kept checking in all day to see if it was still there, and in doing so, I'd feel it again and it would tickle me sweetly.
I briefly wanted to give it a reason.
I searched for any obvious changes, the shifting new spring light, my being asked to do some future speaking and work for pay opportunities, having just completed my taxes, playing my saxophone more....oh there must be SOMETHING external to account for the warm tickle, warm glow seeping through my pores. But no, it was something else.
I have concluded that it is all and nothing of these externals. And the nothing part is a something internal piece.
An internal, deeply internal, deeply felt realization that weekly now, for the past 5 plus months, I am experiencing a deep bliss, a deep joy even ectascy when I attend Shabbat services on Saturday mornings.
It is a familiar yet so much deeper feeling from that which I habitually felt when I would attend weekly Surat Shabd Satsangs in Cambridge or Brookline. Then I was in my late 20's, early 30's, working too many hours, as well as getting a Masters degree, and of course consumed with an emotional and love life filled with mostly turmoil.
Singing Bhajans with love and devotion with a room full of people sitting cross legged, knowing we were sisters and brothers united by our love for our Guru, for our meditation. I went weekly to soak up this loving energy.
I slept a good deal at those Satsangs.
But when I wasn't sleeping, I was overcome with an immense gratitude and love for the world and this aspect of my life.
Now at Saturday Shabbat services, I don't sleep.
It is almost two hours of a surge of joy, bliss, feeling the presence of G-d, being absorbed in love.
Being personally, deeply internally absorbed, tears streaming down my face almost constantly as I read and pray and chant along with...
with a room full of people who are my famiy. Who I like being around, who I am falling in love with. People who talk to me and listen. People who are real. I may be the only one with streaks of salt water making my face glisten, but I hear love sung and voiced. I listen to these strange yet so deeply familiar words and watch my progress of seeing and understanding what comes next in the service.
I love the words and melodies and ritual and hearing and discussing a written piece of Torah. I am appreciating the significance of the Torah. I am loving being taken back to a time and place that is part of a past that is mine. I love thinking about the past, how we lived, what we loved.
I love coming to comprehend that Creation is the Gift which is celebrated;
celebrate the Creation with a day of reflecting on how wonderful it is.
I am feeling blown away by what happens to me to my body to my soul when I sit, stand, bend my knees and bow, again sit on Saturday mornings. I'm watching this happen to me. I'm experiencing it. I'm totally loving it.
Wow.
No kidding.
So, soon after this Saturday's service, driving home, feeling wonderful, I said to myself: hmmmmm, I get to experiience such a tremendous lift, loft of gratitude and love each week, hmmmmm that's truly marvelous. Hmmmmm, even if I expericnce my lonliness, my depression, my pining after my new love, my feeling about the loss of one or all of the four wonderful women from my life in five years (my sister, my wife, two extremely dear friends), hmmmmmm, even if I have hours of negativity....
Hell, being able to experience what I feel weekly, in services, is so amazing, so truly thrilling, that I need to focus on this; I need to understand that yes, there are lots of losses and pain that I feel...
But I feel a true shift in how I'm perceiving the state of my life. I am focusing more and more on the dozens of ways I am able to feel the presence of The Divine, of The Creator.
Of course at Shabbat service, but also often in my day.
By feeling The Creator, I feel and honor The Creation and
My life as part and parcel of This Creation.
My life being no more no less than a piece of the Whole.
Feeling Whole at Temple reminds me to feel it daily.
I had forgotten.
March 05, 2011
Reflections of Creation
My backyard is home to several citrus trees,
one of which is a tangerine;
Dancy or Fairchild variety
most likely,
but like the pound doggie I've just adopted
it can't tell me its origins.
The fruit is exquisitely ripe just now.
I have just picked two of these
beautiful orange orbs
sundrenched, warm to the touch
warm to the tongue
easy to peel
perfect slices of sweetness
perfect reflections of the perfection
of Creation.
one of which is a tangerine;
Dancy or Fairchild variety
most likely,
but like the pound doggie I've just adopted
it can't tell me its origins.
The fruit is exquisitely ripe just now.
I have just picked two of these
beautiful orange orbs
sundrenched, warm to the touch
warm to the tongue
easy to peel
perfect slices of sweetness
perfect reflections of the perfection
of Creation.
March 03, 2011
Details of Living
You ask how I am
I say
"Good. I'm good."
Hear that you're not.
Not 100% physically.
I hear it in your voice
but you brave on
and ask me details confirming details
about friends of mine you barely know
whose existence and details
you've committed to memory.
Questions which keep you from talking
about you.
I don't tell you how I really am.
I don't tell you that I struggle daily
with my demons.
Those pieces of me that only want an end,
a way out, a resolution of the deep
loneliness
I feel.
Those demons that would just as soon have me
dead
onto the NEXT
the truly unknown.
The pieces which believe
nothing is new here
so why not just move on.
I give them traffic, a respectful due,
acknowledgement.
I listen and sometimes succumb to the deep emotion
they elicit.
Crying. Praying. Appreciating G-d
and finally reminding myself to
Trust.
Fully Trust that peace will pervade my life.
And suddenly they're gone. Negativity is played out.
The duties of the day creep in.
I busy myself with some detail
and I see really see
appreciate the beauty of the day.
Tending to the details of living.
I say
"Good. I'm good."
Hear that you're not.
Not 100% physically.
I hear it in your voice
but you brave on
and ask me details confirming details
about friends of mine you barely know
whose existence and details
you've committed to memory.
Questions which keep you from talking
about you.
I don't tell you how I really am.
I don't tell you that I struggle daily
with my demons.
Those pieces of me that only want an end,
a way out, a resolution of the deep
loneliness
I feel.
Those demons that would just as soon have me
dead
onto the NEXT
the truly unknown.
The pieces which believe
nothing is new here
so why not just move on.
I give them traffic, a respectful due,
acknowledgement.
I listen and sometimes succumb to the deep emotion
they elicit.
Crying. Praying. Appreciating G-d
and finally reminding myself to
Trust.
Fully Trust that peace will pervade my life.
And suddenly they're gone. Negativity is played out.
The duties of the day creep in.
I busy myself with some detail
and I see really see
appreciate the beauty of the day.
Tending to the details of living.
February 16, 2011
The Perfume of Valentine's Day Flowers
Valentine's Day flowers given to me
not by a lover, my spouse, even someone
wishing to be my lover
but by one of my dearest friends
Ben.
Whom I speak with daily, who knows my
inner heart
mind and
soul.
Who honors me with words of appreciation,
acknowledgement,
love and more love
daily.
Who honors me by sharing his heart, mind and soul
the particulars of his life
who loves food as I do
and cooks
who loves music as I do
and listens.
Who shares my love of
the perfume of flowers
the fur of cats
the kiss of a woman.
Who loves Judaism as much as I do; more because
he has been a Jew much much longer than I.
Who trusts me with his life
and I mine to him.
What incredible fortune to have such a soul mate
such a help mate
to puzzle out these last years of our time here
from whom I receive Valentine's Day flowers.
not by a lover, my spouse, even someone
wishing to be my lover
but by one of my dearest friends
Ben.
Whom I speak with daily, who knows my
inner heart
mind and
soul.
Who honors me with words of appreciation,
acknowledgement,
love and more love
daily.
Who honors me by sharing his heart, mind and soul
the particulars of his life
who loves food as I do
and cooks
who loves music as I do
and listens.
Who shares my love of
the perfume of flowers
the fur of cats
the kiss of a woman.
Who loves Judaism as much as I do; more because
he has been a Jew much much longer than I.
Who trusts me with his life
and I mine to him.
What incredible fortune to have such a soul mate
such a help mate
to puzzle out these last years of our time here
from whom I receive Valentine's Day flowers.
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